Conferences

The New Attitude conference was interesting for me, and I am thankful for the experience. I'm not sure that I would take a baby again, it was a little difficult, but I am glad that I went and glad that I got to see what happens. It was interesting to see Tim interacting in this environment, and was interesting to see parts of his "fan club".

The American worship of leaders was also interesting to see. It was amazing to me on a couple of levels. Before John Piper even spoke he got a standing ovation, and the kids were thumping the bleachers as he took to the stage. On one hand it is really cool to see that generation that excited to hear Piper speak. As Tim said to me, if Nick ,when he is 18 is that pumped to go and see a man like Piper we will be thrilled. And, that is true. But is was kind of weird too. I was walking to the washroom before one of the sessions and saw C.J. Mahaney coming out of the men's room these three girls stopped him literally in the door way to shake his hand. The poor guy couldn't even use the washroom! These are great men, don't get me wrong, but they are just men.

We all have idols in our life, and we are told to watch out for them. It would seem to me that people are often making an idol out of these men, and it must be uncomfortable for them.

What I did hear of the sessions was really good. I still am trying to process some of it. I'd love to go to another conference with Tim and just sit and absorb what was being said, not trying to rescue a certain little girl whose hand got stuck in a toy elephant! (yes she was screaming during Pipers sermon, because her hand was stuck and there was no easy solution, as I was trying to keep my hand over her mouth, and free her. The exit was a LONG way away so that wasn't even an option. )

It was good to get away, even if Tim and I didn't get to spend any time together. He spent most of the conference down-time running from meal to meal with people making contact etc.

It is equally good to be home, even though Michaela is teething and very grumpy!

New Attitude

It is the second day of the New Attitude conference. They are in the second session as I write, but the baby, who is with us, needed a nap, so I came back to the hotel to let her sleep. I'll start at the beginning.

We took off from Toronto yesterday at about 11:00. Michaela promptly fell asleep and didn't wake-up until we were pulling into the gate in Cincinnati. Then it was a 15 minute flight to Louisville! Check in at the hotel was interesting. It was about a 45 minute wait. Thankfully a glass cage full of finches kept Michaela interested. The hotel room is wonderful. They actually gave us a suite. The bedroom and bathroom is bigger than at home, and there is a cool living room area complete with table, fridge and a desk as well as a pull out couch and two chairs. It is HUGE. And, we can see the river from our hotel window. They folks at NA have been good to us!

I was very tired last night, so it was hard to concentrate on the session. The worship was cool, but very loud! Rock concert loud. The funniest part about the worship is that Michaela is a budding charismatic! She sees everyone putting their hands up to worship while singing and up goes her hand swaying back and forth! And when everyone claps she does too.

There is about 3000 people at the conference, most of them a good deal younger than us. There are a bunch of moms running around the back with strollers and babies trying to keep them happy during the sessions. I was thankful to see them as I didn't really see any other kids there at all! I missed much of the session last night. Josh was speaking and I wish I could have heard more. Michaela fell asleep towards the end of the session, amidst the loud music and all- she was one tired baby.

This morning we had breakfast with Josh Harris. A nicer guy you will not meet. He was kind enough to email Tim this mornings asking if we could spare some time to chat. It was interesting to hear the guys talking. Mark Dever came by to say hello and asked me how I was finding the first conference. I told him it was interesting, and he started laughing. He said "typical Canadian reserve!" Huh?? It has been interesting! Plus was I supposed to gush? Maybe that is what Americans do! It was enlightening to see how Josh handles people coming up to him, even when people come up to him, even asking him to sign their Bibles! He is beyond gracious. I'm getting more used to people approaching Tim as well. He handles it better than I would. We saw his promotion for his book this morning. It looks good!

All in all it has been an interesting experience. I hope to catch at least one session today, but Tim has us booked for lunch and dinner, and Michaela only had a hour nap. I'll post more later I hope. Blessings!

Why?

We were on our way to the second service last night, and were just pulling onto the highway. I can't remember what Tim and I were talking about, but I was looking at him when he said 'what the??? " I looked up to see brake lights ahead of us and Tim slowed the van down. Seconds later it became clear as cars swerved that a bad accident had just happened. Both outside lanes were blocked and people moved into the middle lane and simply continued on their way. I was horrified. "Why is no one stopping? Tim we have to stop!!! " It looked terrible! The one car was basically missing it's entire front end and the other lay with it's back end smashed in the far lane. There were car parts EVERYWHERE. We couldn't see the driver on the one car at all. Tim pulled in behind the one car as I said- 'Tim I can't do this, I can't.... "He said "it's o.k. stay here, I'll go. " I was convinced given the state of the cars that this was going to be really really bad. I needed a moment to adjust. He started toward the car with the front end damage and as he got to the car - to my surprise and relief the car door opened and an older man stepped out. Tim asked if he was o.k. and then crossed the lanes to get to the other car, I saw him open up the drivers side back door and speak to someone inside. The man from the first car was a little dazed and was wandering into the lane of traffic so I hopped out, made sure he was o.k. and moved him over to the side away from the cars. Tim at that point yelled at me to move the bumper of the car which was in the only open lane- so I hauled that over to the side. After making sure the guy Tim was talking to was O.K. (he was alright, but had shoulder and back pain and somehow ended up completely reclined in his seat.) went back to my kids- who were sitting patiently in the car. Nothing else I could do. Apparently, the man with the rear damage was driving along using cruise control when his car suddenly stalled. The guy in the second car (note please it was a Mercedes) hit him. Now the guy in the Mercedes was bemoaning that his car was a write off- but as I said to him, that car saved his life. There were four airbags deployed (it looked pretty funny when you looked in the car) and I'm sure that is why he wasn't hurt. The engine of the car was gone, but he walked away. The Mercedes was a good car to have an accident in!

What amazes me- was that no one stopped! There were about five or six cars before us to drive around the accident and not ONE of those stopped. We were the first to stop and there were dozens of cars after us that just kept going as well. It was a bad accident- not some little fender bender and it really was something of a miracle that no one was badly hurt. How can people simply drive past??? I don't get it. If both people had been injured , or if there had been more than one person in each car we would have been in trouble. What is wrong with people that they can't help out!

Shortly after an off duty paramedic showed up, then the police. Once she heard we didn't see it, she sent us on our way. We made it to church before the service started. Funny, we felt like we had been there forever, but really it was likely only about 15 minutes in total!

Looking back, Tim handled it really well. We both came away thinking "Man! We need to take a first aid course! "But in reality there isn't much you can do- he was breathing, not bleeding - just keep him still and wait. I'm more horrified by the lack of compassion shown by the people in the other cars. What a world we live in. So much for a quiet Sunday!

Going Public

Up until now, my family has not known where this site was located. I choose to keep it quiet as I found it easier to share my thoughts knowing that no-one would be reading them. My husband found the site almost right away as he uses my computer and I left it up and running. Then in a dumb moment, I posted a comment on Jo's site with my blogger user name showing. I swear it wasn't half an hour later and I jumped up freaked out only to find Jo had already found the site. So after making her erase the comment, and stewing for a couple of days, I gave up and sent the link out.

I'm honestly not sure if knowing people are reading this will change things. It might. But it was time. And I have to say, knowing that people will be reading certainly challenges you to think hard about things and look hard to find things to write about.

So, welcome everyone to my rambling thoughts- I hope I don't scare you too much!

Gossiping Women

For as long as I can remember I have avoided deep relationships with other women. Women can be the cruelest of creatures. Really I think it dates back to the fall, and there is something in us that broke that day. Something we have to continually struggle against. It seems to be in the very core of our being now to pit one and other against each other.

Johanna writes here about the rejection of other women. She writes "Women have always been the most deadly critics of other women. They know how to wound with precision. They know how to judge. They know how to look another woman over from head to toe, inside and out, and then make a diagnosis of all the ills they have found. Why do we do that? So that we don't have to look at ourselves. Because we are jealous creatures. Because we have not learned how to love."

This statement is so true. We seems to have the ability to sense where someone is at their weakest and have the timing down to perfection to grab at the jugular. One of the ways women do this best is through gossip. Proverbs 18:8 states that "The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body." This basically means that it is part of our basic sinful nature to have an appetite for gossip. In a lot of ways I think gossip can be the single most destructive force in the church. How often it is women who spearhead this slander. Men don't seem to have the same capacity for gossip as women. Without even meaning to sometimes it seems we start talking innocently enough, and then lone behold a look or a eyebrow raised and we find ourselves discussing someone that we simply shouldn't' t be. So often it is done with a cloak of concern. "Did you hear about so and so, isn't it a shame" And the sad thing is that we often fool ourselves into believing that we are simply talking out of concern, not gossip! I truly am the worst of offenders here. I am ashamed to admit I like to know what is going on, and I tend to cloak my concern under the "so I can pray for it" attitude instead of leaving well enough alone!

Proverbs 20:19 states "Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler." The scorn in those simple two words "simple babbler!" Images that come to mind with that phase are not pretty!

One of the hardest things to do as a women is really not to listen to gossip. Really, when someone starts talking about someone else we really need to simply shut our ears and tell that person to change the subject. But, how hard that is! In doing so, you are opening yourself up to ridicule from the gossiper. After all, you already know that person is more than willing to discuss other people with whom ever! It is so easy to simply listen, telling yourself that you won't pass along the information, therefore what harm is this doing? But like it or not you are letting the dirt into your mind and heart and allowing someone else's opinions to shape what you are thinking. As women we are susceptible to this sin we must guard our hearts in this matter.

One of the areas I'm never sure how to handle is gossip among a group of unbelievers. With a group of Christian women, they at least know this is something they shouldn't be doing. But, non-Christians are not guided by the same principles and gossip is common and accepted. Is it enough in these situations to lead by example, not participating, not gossiping and changing the subject quickly? Or are we to be more bold?

Johanna at the end of her article writes this: "? A call to you hurting ladies; find your joy in Christ, not other women. We are blessed with female companionship, certainly, but we will fail one another. We will say hurtful things, and be thoughtless. We will make judgments and be neglectful. We will not love and cherish one another as we should. But we will be loved and cherished nevertheless. By another."

My pastor told me this when I first became a Christian, he said "Aileen, Christians will be the people who will most let you down in this world." He simply meant that as Christians we expect more from each other, we expect better. We, however, should also know better. As Johanna so eloquently put it, it is Christ alone that we must look to for affirmation, for only He can fulfill us.

Even The Best Intentions:

If you read the book of Job, you learn about suffering. Much has been said about Satan walking in God's presence, God not only allowing Satan to test Job, but actually pointing Job out to Satan. These are things that I still struggle to understand. Like many things we simply have to trust that God knows best. Today I want to talk about Job's three friends.

My pastor preached a sermon on Job 32-33 on Sunday, this is what drew my attention to this book. I haven't read this book all the way through, just the beginning and the end, and as was startled to discover that while Job was considered to be blameless and upright, he makes a fatal mistake in this book in how he does not give glory to God but rather points to himself. I'll address this more later I hope, but as I began to read this book, I found out about Job's three friends.

In the beginning of Job, three of his friends hear about his trouble and come and sit with him. They tear their clothes, throw dust on their heads.... and they sit; for seven days. These are good friends, sharing in the grief of a broken man. They are the best of friends with the best of intentions. But they fail Job in the most important way. They fail to give wise council and for that they are later condemned. They tell Job it is his fault all this calamity has befallen him. They say that God is mad at him and he must have committed some terrible sin. They fail to understand God, and fail to honor and glorify God. They have the best intentions, but still fail miserably.

It is scary to see how honest these men are in trying to help the fallen, but in how badly they fail because they don't truly know God. It is so important before we try to give council in any situation that we know the truth about God. Surely we will be held even more accountable than these men as we now have the Bible to teach us these truths.

Friends as loyal as Job's are rare. I want to strive to be that kind of friend, but a wise one too! Remembering to give God the glory even in calamity as He works His ultimate purpose for our good and His honor and glory.

The Best Birthday Present Ever!

My husband, for my birthday this year got me something a little different. I have a passion for soft ice cream. I love the McDonands hot fudge ice cream. For weeks I have been craving them, but have been too lazy in the evenings to go out and get one. So, for my birthday, Tim got me my very own soft ice cream maker. It is AMAZING! The ice cream is so good, and it makes the best frozen yogurt as well. My parents came over for dinner on Sat. and we had frozen raspberry yogurt for dessert. Made with fresh raspberries it was the best frozen yogurt I have ever had. It was an amazing gift and one that is sure to be used a lot. Hopefully we won't gain too much weight!

A Matter of Community

Last night, just before the kids went out to play, the door bell rang. It was our neighbor asking where we put the hose that attatches to our house. As I stepped outside to talk to her, I realized once again our front common area was filled with people.

I am not by nature a social person. I like people, but on my terms. Short visits in which I control the length of time are preferred. I also hate feeling obligated to be social, and yet, as much as I love the green space out front, this is becoming a difficult spot for me as I am enevitably called to sit and chat. I feel like I can't just putter around my garden without someone coming to talk.

As Tim and I were sitting on the grass out front with another youngish couple last night the kids dashing about us, I found the situation humorous. These two people, in any other place, we would never have contact with. We have very little in common other than our children. I'm not sure how else to describe them other than they look like they have just stepped off the cover of a biker magazine complete with Harley shirts, tattoos and if it wasn't summerish, I'm sure leather. Very sterotypically I know, but I'm not sure how else to describe them. It must have looked funny the four of us sitting there complete opposites of each other.

Yet through all this I seem to have made a new friend. The girl seems very lonely and is often popping out of her house when she hears us outside.

And, this, right here is where I struggle. I hate the fact that EVERYTIME I step outside that I feel acousted by someone, and yet that is what it is becoming. If it isn't her, then it is the boys next door coming out to see my kids, or the girl across the courtyard with her two kids, or the girl four doors down with her little girl. I'm just not by nature suited to all this activity. My sister-in-law is much better at this then me and seems to thrive on it. And yet, through it all, people seem at least somewhat drawn to me. I actually don't think it is me, but rather God working through me. They seem to know that I'm safe. So, I bite my tongue, paste a smile on and try to be as genuine as I can. Praying all the while that God use me as he sees fit, and that he will soften me so that I can enjoy all this activity. God always seems to put us in situations that stretch us. We can't grow without this challenge, and He certainly is doing that here. I find it interesting that we lived up the road (I can see my old house from the front window) up until a year ago, and yet had no contact with any of these people until recently. I believe God has seen fit for whatever reason to bring all these people into my life and challenge me with this now. I guess I just wasn't ready before, but what has changed is beyond me! I've written a few times about this lately, it has been heavy on my heart.

Beautiful Green

I love spring- I adore spring. It is my favorite time of year. I never grow tired of the fresh green color that emerges after a long cold white winter. This year, for the first time, I have a garden I can spend time and money on. I have enjoyed puttering around looking at the types of plants that I can grow in our mainly shade environment. The front looks pretty good- the back is going to need some work still. Budget constraints mean I am going to have to wait until next year to plant in the back. I'm thankful I live in a climate that has weather extremes. I would miss the dramatic turn into spring each year.

I love our house, but a constant thorn in my side since we moved in a year ago has been the lack of organization in the front hall closet. We live in a town home, and actually purchased the unit because it over looks a large common green space out front. This essentially gives my kids their own private park to play in. Which is wonderful. I love the space so much. The down side is that we do not have a garage. All outdoor toys- from baseball gloves- to Rollerblades- bike helmets end up in the coat closet. (We still haven't quite figured out what to do with the bikes) It was driving me crazy everyday as the closet always overflowed into the hall. Well, yesterday I purchased what I hope is the solution. Rubbermaid Configurations seemed to have a great solution. It was easy to put together too, and I managed to do most of it myself! It looks really good- even has a lower coat rail so the kids can hang up their own coats. At least that is the plan!

My son had a baseball game last night. I truly hate baseball. He, on the other hand, loves it. He is such a serious kid, and so much like me at times it hurts. There is a right way and a wrong way to do things, and if he can't do it the right way he would rather not do it at all. I was exactly the same way as a child. God graciously reminded me last night that He has managed to mellow me over time (a LONG time and still working). Hopefully the same will happen with my son. I will have to remember to pray. At times his heart is still so hard to the gospel, and I really see this inflexibility in daily matters as an extension of the hardness of his heart.

Blessings on your weekend.

Bits and Bites from Ephesians:

You know as well as I do that everything we do, everything, is only because God allows us to. I am constantly falling into the trap of believing that I (me myself and no-one else) in some way have accomplished certain tasks.

In Ephesians Paul is constantly reminding us that anything and everything we do is a result of grace lavished on us.

Paul looks for two marks of genuine conversion, faith in Christ and love towards all the saints. True conversion changes Godward and manward directions in life-Our actions do not earn us salvation but does show it. Without "fruit" our conversion is shown to be false. However it is God that allows us to show this fruit, without him nothing would be accomplished.

Most important prayer is to pray that we see our privileges: We need God to open our eyes to see what He has given us. We need to pray that God grants us the spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him.

Just a few points that stood out to me this morning!

State of Mind

It has been a long year. My youngest will be a year old on Thursday, and when I look at her, I already have trouble picturing the newborn she was when she came home from the hospital a short year ago. She has been, by FAR the most difficult of our three children. She hates solids, can't figure out a bottle, still gets up on average 3 times a night to nurse, and is so clingy that some days she will not get out of my arms. I feel, at times, like the worst parent in the world as I am controlled by this little bundle of attitude. It has been a long year. I feel for most of it, I haven't even really been around. I struggle on a day to day basis to maintain my equilibrium, and at times Tim swears I'm bi-polar as I go from happy to flipping out in mere seconds.

It is tempting at times to wonder where God has been in the past year, but I really do know exactly where He has been. Right there watching. I know darn well that throughout this I have been relying on myself far too much and not turning to God. My devotions have been virtually non-existent and I have struggled. Deep down I blame God for the situation I'm in, when I know full well it is my own fault. How much easier would have this past year been if I had allowed Him to step in as I should have?

It has been hard watching my husband take off in the reformed world, knowing that I need to support him, but also knowing that I need to be in a strong spiritual state in order to support him in the way he needs to be. I don't want to hold him back, and I believe that God needs us to be a strong spiritual unit in order to use Tim to his fullest.

Blogging has helped. By focusing on the positive things God is doing in my life, the little things it has helped to refocus my life. I still have a long way to go. Devotions still aren't happening every day, but are occurring on a much more regular basis. This really amounts to such a short season in my life.

I will continue to pray that God grants me the grace to be the mother and wife he wants me to be. I am so thankful for my three children. May God protect them and draw them to himself.